Hardened
by junebug18
Summary: There was no reason for him to ever care. Lilly was dead, he only wished his father was, and the little blond girl in his arms was all he had left to keep him in check. Without her in the picture, he had nothing.
1. Panicked

Disclaimer: If I owned Veronica Mars, I wouldn't have had her and Logan break up last episode, so obviously I own nothing.

Author's note: I promise the beginning will be explained better in later chapters, so don't let it bother you if you have no clue what's going on. Oh, and I have no idea where I'm going with this yet, so suggestions are always appreciated for this or any other story I write. This takes place towards the end of season one.

"Logan? Logan! Logan!" Veronica's cries were panicked as she ran through the dark house searching for him. No one answered.

She continued to search for Logan through the darkened rooms of the Echolls' mansion. She could smell smoke, see the black thickness that would smother them both if they didn't escape it soon. She opened Logan's bedroom door, but instead of finding him as she'd hoped, she came face to face with Aaron Echolls. She turned to run, but he grabbed her before she could even move. His hand came up to cover her mouth and he pulled her tightly to him.

xxxx

Logan was sprawled face down on the bed in the pool house when the scent of smoke penetrated his clouded brain. The intense pain from his bruised and bloodied back served to dull his senses to the acrid odor at first and Logan debated the value of investigating the scent. As the smell grew stronger, he decided it was worth the pain of getting up to find its source. When he saw that his house was on fire, he was sure he was hallucinating.

xxxx

Veronica figured that Aaron must have knocked her out because the next thing she knew, she woke up on the floor of Logan's room. The side of her head was throbbing and the room was listing and spinning around her. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out, but there was no sign of Aaron and the smoke was so thick now that she could barely breathe. She got up and tried the door. Locked. Aaron had locked her in his son's room, leaving her to die.

She quickly made it to the window and thrust it open. Fresh air flooded her choked lungs and her mind cleared. She looked down and saw that she was two stories above a cement patio. Jumping would be impossible. She tried to yell, but her throat was so dry, her voice would not come. She walked back to the door and tried the handle again. She frantically inspected the lock and hinges, hoping for a way out. The hinges were on the outside of the door and before she could bother with the lock, her lungs filled with smoke again. She tried to make it to the window again for more air, but flames had spread beneath it, urged on by the clear, crisp breeze. The curtains caught and became twin columns of fire. Flames jumped onto the walls and finally, across the the ceiling. Surrounded by blinding, blistering heat, Veronica's world turned black.

xxxx

Logan saw his father enter the pool house.

"Son, the house is on fire. We have to go, now!"

Logan nodded, confused. He grabbed his cell phone and followed him. When they had gotten outside he glanced at his cell phone and saw the missed call. Veronica. Logan remembered that she had called him earlier, after his run-in with his Aaron, and said she'd be by to get him. Worry consumed his pain and he dialed her number. No answer. He sprinted away from his father, ignoring the tear of his flesh and the blood running down his back. He ran around to the front of the house to find her deserted Le Barron in the drive way.

"Veronica?" He called out, praying that she was still outside somewhere, that she was safe.

Aaron came up behind Logan and put his hand on Logan's shoulder. Logan swung around quickly to Aaron's surprise.

"Where is she?" Logan yelled into his father's face.

"What? Who, son?" Aaron asked, his tone a blend of his best imitation of fatherly concern and false innocence.

Logan wasn't fooled. Beating him was one thing, but if Aaron had known Veronica was in the house and hadn't gotten her out on purpose, he had crossed a major line. "You know who, damn it!" And for the first time in his life, he struck his father. Logan threw a hard right hook straight into Aaron's charmingly broken nose. "Where is she!"

Aaron straightened himself and laughed, unfazed by the blood trickling from his mouth and nose. "She's in your room, son. Why don't you go in to die with her?"

Logan threw another punch but didn't wait around to see where it landed. He himself ran into the house before he could consider any other option. Veronica's messenger bag was sitting near the door, obviously thrown down in a hurry. He yelled out her name, going from room to room. No one responded. The fire was spreading rapidly through the downstairs. Logan knew the whole house had caught and there would be nothing anyone could do to save it. The house and everything inside would burn to the ground. Logan just prayed that that everything wouldn't include Veronica.

The smoke was thick and the heat was unbearable. Every nerve in his body was screaming at him to go back outside. But he couldn't, wouldn't until he knew Veronica was all right. He took the stairs two at a time to his bedroom. He wrenched open the door, the metal handle searing into his flesh. The pain was forgotten when he saw how bad the fire was. His heart dropped to his knees and his hope almost completely disappeared. He couldn't see or breathe for the thick, black smoke. He took another step into the burning room and stumbled over something soft. It was body on the floor.

As soon as he felt it there was no doubt in his mind that it was Veronica. He regained his footing, covered his nose and mouth with his arm, and picked up the limp figure. The stairwell was starting to burn, but Logan raced down the stairs, barely taking note of the burns on his legs. His face was a mask of rage and hatred as he thought of the painful ways he would kill his father if the petite girl in his arms was dead. He tried not to think of that possibility as he got himself and her limp form out of the house.

Logan knew he was no sweetheart. He was an uncaring jackass . Lilly was dead, his mother was dead, he wished his father was dead. The tiny blond girl in his arms was all he had left to keep him in check. Without her in the picture, he had no reason not to just shoot his famous father and follow his mother off the Coronado Bridge. Obviously, Logan hadn't been enough of a reason for Lynn to stay. But Veronica was enough for him… or she had been.

He finally made it out and gulped in fresh air, choking out the remnants of the smoke. He put distance between himself and the burning mansion and laid Veronica's broken body down carefully on the well-manicured lawn. He heard sirens approaching and he knelt beside her to wait. His expression was so fierce, it might have been carved from granite.


	2. Can you show me?

Two Days Earlier

_Logan wasn't in TJ with Dick and Cassidy like he said he was. His alibi is officially blown. He could have been the one to kill Lilly. It made sense, really. He found out about her and Weevil and he just snapped. Logan probably doesn't even carry the sanity gene. Between his psychotic father and suicidal mother, Logan's family' mental health isn't exactly a billboard for his innocence. _

_But even with all the evidence against him, I just can't make myself believe he did it. It could just be that my judgment is clouded by the fact that he's my boyfriend but, Logan bashing Lilly's head with an ashtray in her backyard? There just isn't any way I can even wrap my mind around that mental image. Sure, I've seen his psychotic jackass signature firsthand, notably on the LeBaron's headlights. I've even seen him beat the hell out of people before. But, he could never have hit Lilly... could he? _

_Okay, Veronica, what to do? Talk to him first and risk letting a murderer off on my gut instinct or just turn him in and let the law sort it out? I don't even know if it's even my gut that's telling me to trust him. I don't know what is. My head says he's guilty, that should be enough! That's always been enough before. What the hell is wrong with me? Just call the sheriff and get it over with! _

She picked up the phone and dialed the number. By the time Veronica realized that her fingers had dialed Logan's number instead of the sheriff's department (she'd insist to herself later that her digits had been acting completely of their own accord), he'd answered.

"Hey, sugarpuss, what's up?"

Veronica's harsh tone cut across Logan's playful greeting. "Why did you lie about where you were on the day of Lilly's murder?"

There was a long pause before Logan answered. "Dick and Cassidy lied for me. I decided to come home early. I was afraid without the alibi-"

"Did you hurt Lilly?"

"No! I could never have hurt Lilly! I parked across the street from the car wash and watched the two of you for a moment. I had just found out about Weevil and watching her there… I don't know, I just knew it was over. So I wrote a note explaining myself to her, stuck it in the shot glass I brought for her, and left it in the backseat of her car. The car wash was the last time I saw her."

"A shot glass and note?"

"Yeah it said 'I got baked in Ensenada.'"

"The police never found them."

"Well I guess she must have done something with them before her killer got to her."

Veronica remained silent.

"You do believe me, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Veronica was almost surprised that she truly did. "Listen, there's something I just thought of that I need to do later. Want to come with?"

Logan breathed a sigh of relief. "Sure. I'll pick you up around six and we can grab some dinner ahead of time?"

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

Logan was innocent. She was positive.

_Thank God. And if tonight goes as I hope, we should be able to find that shot glass._

xxxx

Veronica was dressed as a member of the wait staff, hiding in plain sight in the Kane's home. She managed to sneak away from the party to Lilly's bedroom and once inside, she went straight for the vent. It had never occurred to Veronica until recently, but the vent was Lilly hiding place for anything she didn't want her parents to see. Veronica knew the sheriff's department would not have looked in an air vent for evidence. Hopeful, she unscrewed the vent from the wall and was surprised to find three small video tapes inside. Logan's shot glass was nowhere in sight. Veronica heard a noise coming from the hallway outside, so she quickly replaced the vent and hid under Lilly's bed.

"Dude, I know you still love Veronica, but don't you think it's time to let her go? I mean, you're dating Meg now." Logan's voice was soft but intense.

"And?"

"And she's a nice girl. But you can't have them both."

Duncan eyed his friend suspiciously, obviously not thrilled at the direction this conversation was going in.

"Look, I didn't want you to find out about this from anybody else, but Veronica and I-"

Duncan started laughing. His laughter held no mirth and it chilled Logan to the core. "Oh, okay so this is when you tell me that you, my best friend, are dating my ex and that it's okay because you told me before someone else could?" His face hardened and he shoved Logan's shoulder.

Logan shoved back. "Don't push me, man."

"So you're just stealing my girl?" He pushed Logan again, harder this time.

Logan saw Veronica sneak past Duncan's door in the hallway and made sure to keep Duncan facing the opposite direction. Logan thought about hitting him again, but held back for Veronica's sake.

"She's hardly your girl,man. Weren't you the one to break up with her?"

"Yeah, so what? It wasn't because I wanted to!" His voice raised in frustration.

Logan raised his right back to match it, goading Duncan. "Then why did you do it?"

Duncan's face contorted with some kind of pain and he brought his fist down on the dresser so hard, Logan was worried he might have broken his hand. "Because she's my sister!" The confession came out in a half-scream, half-sob and Logan was struck speechless. He stared on in disbelief as Duncan started sobbing.

Logan finally found his tongue again. "But, how? She needs to know." Duncan didn't look up at him and Logan, exhausted, turned around and simply walked away.

Veronica was waiting outside in the front seat of his Xterra, eying the tapes she'd found in Lilly's vent.

Logan opened the driver's side door and poured himself into his seat beside her, drained from his conversation with Duncan and the added weight of the guilt over knowing about Veronica's apparent incestuous past while she still had no clue. His tension eased when she fixed him with a triumphant grin, fanning out the cassettes.

"Do you have something we could use to play these?"

"Yeah. No problem." He put the car into drive and drove them silently back to his mansion.

She plopped down on his bed and shook her hair out of its pony tail while Logan searched for the recorder.

Deciding it would be better to have an excuse to avoid her eyes during the conversation as a way to ensure that she could not tell he was hiding something, he blurted out the less-disastrous news while still digging through his closet. "I told Duncan about us."

Veronica laid back on the bed trying to relax, or at least sound relaxed. "How'd he take it?"

"Not so great." Logan responded, his tone strained.

"Was he mad at us?"

"Not at you. Just at me."

She sat back up and watched him curiously. "Why just you?"

Logan had long since realized that he had loaned his father the camera a while ago for one thing or another, but he continued to dig through things, giving Veronica his back. "Oh, you know, the whole 'my best friend betrayed me by dating my ex' drama. He's such a girl."

"Girl nothing. Meg is my friend and I didn't get all mad at them when she and Duncan started dating."

"Yeah, but Duncan's just screwed up." He felt her hand on his shoulder and decided to abandon his pretend search and turn around to face her. He stood up.

She was smiling at him. It was a forced smile, but Logan knew it was in place to reassure him and that knowledge made him feel better. "My dad must still have it. I loaned it to him a while ago."

Veronica nearly laughed at the apologetic look on his face. He looked a little lost as he drug his hand through his short hair. She rose on the balls of her feet and laid a chaste kiss on his mouth. "I've waited this long, I can wait one more day."

Logan grinned and she smiled sweetly at him, laying her hand on his cheek. Her tone was soft and reassuring, her characteristic snark absent for a change. It was almost like she used to sound in the days before Lilly was killed and Veronica suddenly stopped being so innocent. He captured her face in his hands and kissed her back passionately. He wrapped his arms around her as they melted to their knees on the hardwood floor.

It was pitch dark outside and the only the light in the room issued from a small lamp on Logan's nightstand. It was peaceful and comforting and all the things that had been foreign to them for the past year. They finally broke apart and Veronica smiled a small smile and her cheeks were tinged with pink.

Logan grinned at her. "See? The one thing that can make it all better." His hand was still buried somewhere in her hair, sifting the soft blonde locks through his deft fingers.

She pulled out her cell phone to check the time. Almost midnight. She needed to get home. She made to stand and Logan held her tighter.

"Where are you going?"

"I'd better get home. I turn into a pumpkin soon." She met his eyes, genuinely sorry that she had to vacate her spot on the floor.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about your fairy godfather. I'll drive you." He started to rise but was stopped when she grasped his shirtfront and pulled him back down to the floor.

"Wait! I forgot! He's out chasing a case again. He won't be back until tomorrow afternoon." She lifted her brow with a grin."I guess I can stay a little while longer before going home."

He smiled and kissed her. "Well, why don't you just stay over then? It's got to be better than going back to a dark, empty apartment alone."

Veronica withdrew from his touch the tiniest bit but it didn't escape Logan's attention. "I mean, not to…we could just-"

She let out a breath that she had been unaware she was holding. "Okay. Drive me home in the morning?"

"Sure." He stared at her for a moment before deciding to put in a movie to break through the tension that hung between them. He sat forward and found the remote beneath the things he'd been shoving carelessly around during his hunt for the recorder. _The Fast and Furious _was playing and he left it on. For a while they just vegged out on their stomachs on the foot of his bed watching the movie. After the first half, their conversation drew their attention away and Logan finally just turned it off.

They talked about everything. Memories of growing up together, their experiences with Lilly (though Logan left out the more x-rated bits of his memories), the case, what might be on the tapes she'd found, even the inconsequential things, like favorite brands of potato chips. They talked for hours and hours, both completely engrossed in what the other had to say. It was rare for their conversations to last longer than ten minutes before they tumbled blindly into each other's arms. It was equally rare for either to have anyone to confide in. They found themselves insatiable and they wanted to know as much as they could about each other.

They each knew the other well, each having been the romantic bit players in the Kane family saga. Beyond that, they learned how much each had changed since Lilly's death. And, in the intervening year, things had happened that neither of them ever imagine telling the other person. One event in particular came up: Shelly Pomroy's end of the year party. By the time it came up, they were laying under the covers, facing each other. By the time Logan processed what Veronica was telling him, she was nearly in tears and he felt like someone had hit him in the head with a crowbar. He let her finish as he knew it was a hard confession for her before he admitted to her about being the one that brought the liquid ecstasy.

Veronica didn't think twice about forgiving him. That alone almost brought Logan to tears. And, with her confession came the realization of why she'd changed so over the past year.

"Does it scare you? I mean, that you can't remember it?" Logan asked after Veronica's breathing had evened out.

"Yeah, kind of. I don't know who it was or even if it was just one person or exactly what all they did. But I guess some things are better left in the dark."

His first time with Lilly flashed into his mind. It wasn't exactly deep and loving, but it had been a lot of… would fun be the best word to describe it? He wasn't too nervous, Lilly never gave him a chance to be. But at least he could remember it.

That horrible night had been Veronica's first and only time. Veronica Mars, the girl that didn't fit any definition of the word 'innocent,' the girl who was lying there with him in his bed, was a virgin. Emotionally, at least, if not physically. He suddenly became very aware of how odd even just this must be for her and became somewhat nervous.

He got even more nervous when she actually started to ask vague questions. "Does it… I mean, if your not… would it still hurt?"

He hazarded his best guess. "It probably would for you since it's been so long and you're not used to it. But most girls say that the pain turns into something good after a while."

Logan suppressed a grin as Veronica's cheeks flushed a deep crimson. Logan was hyper-aware of the fact that she was clad in only his tee shirt and her underwear. She didn't move from her position facing him under the blankets and yet, her next words affected him more than any touch could have.

"Can you show me?"


	3. cookies and dress up

Logan turned to stare at Veronica in all her adorable nervousness and just took it in. She smiled as he laid his hand on her bare skin. Logan knew they were crossing a line and he wondered what taking this step would do to their relationship. Whatever doubts he had dissipated when he realized that he already knew what he felt for her. He just hadn't allowed himself to feel it for anyone for so long, he hadn't yet admitted it to himself. It didn't matter if he couldn't get the words out. Words had never been important in their relationship.

She watched him shyly as he came closer. She found she wasn't afraid; she trusted Logan more than she really cared to admit. She felt something for him that she had never felt for anyone before. It was different than what she'd had with Duncan, more inevitable. She and Logan had jumped into their relationship so fast and it had been so heavy and secretive that she hadn't allowed herself to understand her own feelings for him, nor did she expect the feelings he had for her. But, when she saw his big beautiful eyes fall on her, she knew what he felt. She was glad it was him.

It was a long, tentative night for both of them. Logan found himself more nervous than he had been as a virgin and he had never been so careful with a girl in his entire life. It didn't matter how many girls he'd slept with or how confident he normally was, this time he was with Veronica and it made all the difference in the world for him. _Everything_ was different with Veronica.

By the time the sun came up, they were just starting to doze. Logan and Veronica lay tangled into each other beneath the covers, trying desperately to turn away from the light streaming through the only window in the room and to pretend it wasn't already morning. Logan turned away stubbornly, accidentally waking Veronica while doing so. She stirred and he wrapped his arms tightly around her bare figure in an attempt to keep her from getting up.

She yawned and turned to face him, blinking sleepily. "We should get up."

Logan glanced over her at the alarm clock. "It's only six thirty." He settled back into his place and rubbed her side, letting his eyes fall shut.

She smiled widely and patted him on the shoulder. "Okay, stay in bed. But I'm getting up to take a shower."

His head automatically snapped up. "Shower?"

She giggled as he leapt up and chased after her.

xxxx

Logan drove her home at about nine o'clock. He'd been reluctant to leave her, but she'd insisted. Veronica just had to know what those tapes contained. After she stopped at Wallace's to borrow his camcorder, she made her way back to her own apartment with the intention of watching them on her VCR. Her plans came to a screeching halt when she saw Duncan waiting for her at the door.

She approached him cautiously. "Duncan? What are you doing here?"

"I had to talk to you. What did Logan say to you?"

She continued towards the door. "He told me about the fight you two had last night. Let's get one thing straight. I didn't go nuts when my friend started dating you, so you can at least do the same for Logan and me. But if you want to get mad, then you better get mad at me too, because I'm just as guilty as he is."

"I don't care about all that. I'm just confused."

Veronica shot an annoyed glance at him. "Why?"

"About you. You know I can't help what happened at that party last year. I was just as drunk as you and if that means I slept with my sister than so be it, but-"

"Your what? You're the one that raped me? What the hell? And what are you talking about me being your sister? I'm not your sister!"

"Yes you are! My dad had an affair with your mom! That's why I broke up with you, dammit! I can't help it if I love you! I wanted to stop! I've tried to stop. But it won't go away!" He nearly collapsed down onto the cement stairs.

Veronica just stood facing him, breathing hard, too many emotions warring for precedence to allow her to think straight. "Get out," she finally said quietly.

Duncan just stared back at her. Veronica pushed past him and into the apartment, slamming the door and locking it before retreating to her room.

The next three hours were lost to hysterical tears, pathetic weeping, and finally numb shock as Veronica mulled over everything Duncan's admission meant for her. Her phone rang at noon. The called ID informed her that it was Logan. She didn't answer. Calmer, but by no means all right, she tried to hook up Wallace's recorder to her VCR, but she was short one cable and she couldn't view the tapes.

Veronica decided a nap would make her feel better. After all, it's not like she got any sleep the night before. Even though she was still heartsick over Duncan's confession, she found herself smiling at the memory of her and Logan as she curled up on the couch.

"Honey? Are you okay? Wake up, Veronica! Are you sick?"

Veronica blinked open her eyes to find her father staring down at her, worry creasing his forehead.

She shook her head and pasted a wan smile on her lips. "No, just a little tired."

"Did you stay up late again messing around on that MyFace or Spacebook or whatever it is that you kids are into these days?" Keith asked, only half-serious.

Veronica laughed. "No." She rolled off the couch and stood up to see that the clock over on the counter read six o'clock.

Keith folded his arms across his chest and studied her as if trying to figure something out.

"What?" Veronica asked, trying to keep the note of panic out of her voice.

He kept staring at her strangely. "Oh, nothing. Something just seems different about you."

_Stay calm, Veronica. There is no way he can tell you've had sex. Is there?_

She shifted her weight uncomfortably before she was saved by her phone trilling from the coffee table. She snatched it up and answered it without thinking. It was Logan. Her father accepted the silent excuse for her to walk away.

"Hi, Veronica."

She froze. She had no idea of what to say to him after the boatload Duncan had dumped on her earlier. She was afraid it would disgust him so much he wouldn't want anything to do with her.

"Hey."

"I called earlier to see if you watched the tapes yet. Have you?"

Veronica shrugged, disappointment washing over her. "Not yet."

"Oh, okay. Well do you want to go grab something to eat somewhere? I could take you wherever-"

"No that's okay. I've got a lot to do to get ready for my finals." She heard her dad let someone in to the door.

Logan walked straight back into her room and hung up his phone. "You're going have to come up with a better excuse than that." He smiled sadly at her and they walked back out to the living room where Keith wasn't far off, trying not to seem as if he was listening into their conversation as he busied himself around the kitchen.

"So I guess you two are... dating now?" Keith fished around.

"Yeah, he's sort of my boyfriend." When she saw the quiet surprise on her father's face she kissed him on the cheek and dragged Logan towards the door. "I'll see you later, Daddy."

Logan waited until they were outside to ask where they were going. She didn't give an immediate verbal response but did kiss him long enough to make them both wonder about her father watching from inside.

"Just somewhere. I need to get out of the house."

"I found the recorder," Logan managed between kisses as they got into his Xterra.

"So, back to your place?"

Logan nodded with a grin as he cranked up the ignition.

The tapes ended up being the wrong format for the recorder. Veronica was disappointed but Logan just ran down stairs to Aaron who was sitting in front of the living room television, sipping a hearty glass of scotch.

"Hey dad, do have any recorders that a smaller tape would fit?"

Aaron's body froze for a moment. "What do you need one for, son?"

"Veronica and I just found some tapes, and we what to see what's on them."

"Where'd you find them?"

Logan shrugged, "Just some stuff Veronica wants to watch. They used to be Lilly's."

Aaron eyed his son warily. "I haven't got anything, but I think Trina has a recorder that would play them. She's coming home tomorrow morning. I'll call and tell her to bring it with her. Why don't you and Veronica just hang out here until then. She can sleep over." He added the last part as if it were some brilliant idea he'd just come up with.

Logan laughed at Aaron's awkward suggestion and went back upstairs to Veronica. "Well, my dad invited you to stay for a 'sleepover.' Should we bake cookies first or play dress up?"

"Hmmm. Dress up was always more Lilly's thing, cookies were mine," Veronica answered with a laugh.

Logan leaned in and kissed her.

"As fun as a sleepover sounds, I should probably get home before dad traces my cell phone to find I'm sitting in your room."

"Can he really do that?" Logan asked fearfully.

Veronica lifted her eyebrow at him in response.

Logan shook his head and laughed. "Okay, I'll take you home. But I'm kind of craving those cookies now."

Veronica kissed him quickly before standing up, gathering up the tapes, and heading to the door. "We have some at my apartment."

Logan smiled and followed. His father was passed out completely on the couch when they passed.


	4. Rain check

Logan awoke the next morning to his father's fists on his shoulders. Aaron drug him out of the bed and threw him to the floor. Aaron's eyes blazed with fury, far gone beyond the point of a regular, ritualistic beating. Logan new Aaron wouldn't let up until he was striped with red and purple welts. Still, he at least had to know what he had done to provoke the beating.

"Where are they?" Aaron growled with a feral intensity as he backed Logan into a corner.

Logan was more confused than afraid. "What? Who?"

"Where are the tapes, dammit?" Aaron roared, advancing on his son. "What in the hell did you do with them?"

"The ones from last night? They were just some old ones Lilly had-"

Aaron struck Logan once more before pointing a finger towards the door. Logan walked past him silently. Aaron always whipped him in his own study downstairs. It was like some twisted tradition for them. Logan had to get a belt, take off his shirt, and kneel in front of Aaron as he beat him with it. Logan was still confused, but knew that there was nothing he could say or do to stop what his father was going to do to him anyway.

"Where is that whore of yours? Did she take them?" Aaron demanded after finishing off Logan's beating. By that time, Logan wasn't listening anyway; he was barely conscious for all the pain. He had tuned his father out, a trick he'd learned long ago to help cope with the beatings. Aaron finally relented and left him alone. Logan dragged himself over to the pool house to recuperate. He rarely went back to his own bedroom. The stairs were hard going and, besides, the physical distance from Aaron was mild salve on his wounds. He collapsed onto his belly on the bed and was just about to drift off to a black and dreamless sleep when his cell phone rang.

Veronica. Always perfect timing. Or not. He answered it nonetheless; he knew hearing her voice would make him feel better.

"We still on for lunch in an hour?" she asked brightly.

Logan tried to sound normal. "Uh, sorry I can't. Rain check?"

"Do you already have another girl on the side that you promised lunch to?" she joked.

"You should know you're the only one I want," he returned seriously. He could actually hear her smiling.

"Well, I'm at Wallace's now. He found the extra cable and I'm about to finally see what's on those tapes. You want to do something later?" There was a pause on the line before she added, sotto voce, "My dad's on a stake out all night tonight."

"I'm sorry, I can't. Rain check, though?"

She smiled a silent plea at Wallace. He rolled his eyes before standing up and walking off a bit so he couldn't hear. "Okay, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Logan. Did you hear me? Dad. Stakeout. Empty apartment all night? Empty _bed _all night?"

"Yeah, I just... this thing came up and-" he stammered weakly, knowing she'd see right through him.

"You just turned down sex. Something is wrong. Are you okay?"

_God, I'm never going to be able to lie to her, am I?_ "I'm fine… I just had a bit of a run-in with my dad and-"

Her voice rose a little, but whether she was nervous or worried, Logan couldn't tell. "Did he hit you?"

Logan didn't know what to say to that. He'd hoped Veronica hadn't heard Trina the day she'd said all of those things about Aaron abusing him, but now it was obvious she had.

"Logan, I-" She let out a breath. "I'm coming to pick you up as soon as Wallace plays those tapes and I'm bringing you to the apartment."

Again Logan chose to remain silent. But, he was relieved inside. A small part of him had worried all along that if she'd known about his family… _I won't go there. She's coming_.

"I'll be there in an hour. Just stay where you are until then." She hung up the phone and walked back into the living room where Wallace was sitting on the couch waiting.

"It's all ready to go." He handed Veronica the remote and she pressed the play button.

xxxx

Aaron woke up on the couch that morning, hung over from all the previous night's scotch. He didn't remember much, as usual. He moved into the kitchen and heated the stovetop griddle in order to make himself some pancakes to help settle his ailing stomach. He stopped midway through mixing the Bisquick, remembering something about Veronica being at the house and Logan asking him something about a tape recorder. About some tapes of Lilly's. Tapes that were the same size as the ones that had been missing since the day he'd killed her. He pushed off his oven mitts, not particularly caring where they landed and headed to Logan's bedroom.

Logan was still asleep. That lazy little leech. He tore through everything he could find in his room, but he found nothing.

xxxx

Veronica tried Logan on his cell phone once again but instead of his voice, she only got the inspirational message on his voicemail. She was already terrified after what she'd seen on those tapes and found the missing piece in place to solve Lilly's murder, but the fact that Aaron had beaten Logan earlier only scared her more. What if he wasn't alright? What if his father had came back and hurt him more?

Whatever fears she had during the drive were nothing compared to the terror than consumed her when she found the house in flames. She was thankful that she had left the tapes with Wallace as she realized that Logan was probably inside and she had to go in for him. At least if something happened to her, Lilly's murderer would still be exposed. She pushed through the door, tossed her bag down, and began her search.

xxxx

After Aaron had gotten out of the house, he'd tried to help Logan which resulted in his own son hitting him. He watched Logan kneel on the grass over Veronica's still body. At least he'd managed to get rid of that bitch. She was worse than Lilly.

He approached Logan, sneering in disgust; his pathetic excuse for a son was probably crying. When he drew closer, he could see that Logan wasn't crying; his face was just… Aaron wasn't sure. He'd never seen Logan look so fierce. He put a careful hand on his shoulder.

"Son, I'm sorry."

Logan's head slowly turned away from Veronica and he locked his gaze on Aaron. "Sorry for killing her?"

Logan stood and threw a punch right that landed against Aaron's temple. Logan watched his father crumple to the ground, blood trickling from nose, eyes shut. Whether he was dead or just unconscious, Logan couldn't be sure. He didn't care one way or the other as it was.

He settled back on the ground beside Veronica, watching her for any sign of movement. He felt his father hitting him back had once on the back of his head, but he didn't care. It just meant that he hadn't hit the bastard hard enough after all. He kept his focus on Veronica.

Logan heard the ambulances coming. He stood and waved for them to come over before kneeling down to her. He laid his cheek close to her mouth to see if she was still breathing. Her breath had been shallow by the time they'd made it to the lawn, but now there was nothing. Suddenly panicked, he searched her wrist for a pulse. Nothing.

Two EMTs ran up and looked her over for less than a minute. One finally turned to Logan, his face grim. "I'm sorry, sir." He shook his head gently.

Logan stared down at Veronica's beautiful face through his tears.

Veronica was dead.


	5. welcome to oblivion

_Note: So it turns out that my sis has this wicked great beta to fix stuff for her, so here's the chap after it's been fixed up. Oh yeah, the beta's Starcrossedsparrow (so thanks if you're reading). I had no idea that you writers did that for each other, but it's pretty cool that you do b/c my sis is almost as bad with grammar as me…and she likes to right, lol, I think it's hilarious but whatever! She is good at it though if you ask me, I'll give her that. Although listening to her dictate this to me makes it somewhat less fun. So I'll stop blabbing now and let you get to the actual story. Thanks! Nadirah (Junebug18's sis). Oh, and Merry Christmas!

* * *

_

It could easily be said that the next several hours felt surreal to Logan. He watched as the EMTs loaded Veronica into the back of the ambulance, zipped into a body bag. Logan had fought them very hard on that. He hadn't wanted them to put her in it. Finally, two deputies had to restrain him while the EMTs worked. He just felt as if any moment she'd wake up and everything would be okay again.

Any moment she'll wake up and come back to me. She can't be dead. She can't leave me like this. Oh, God, it's my fault! Please just wake up! Why are you scaring me like this? Wake up! Veronica Mars can't die. She just can't!

Logan was so preoccupied with Veronica, he was barely aware of the EMTs cleaning up his father's nasty bruises and scrapes before Aaron was carted off in handcuffs by the police. They had tried to work on Logan, but the horrible pain he felt from the beating and burns were turning into a private haven from the agony of watching them with Veronica's body. He liked the hurt, he wanted it to hurt.

He rode in the ambulance, staring at that horrible black bag the whole way. The EMTs kept telling him that he needed medical attention. Smoke inhalation, third degree burns, open welts that needed some stitches. He didn't care. He wished it were him in that body bag. Out of all people the world decided to take from him, why did it have to be Veronica? The one person that he couldn't go on without. The one person he would never be able to get over. He prayed to whatever God was up there for death.

Logan could only watch as the various people who also loved her ran into the hospital to hear the news: her dad, Wallace, that Mac girl, Duncan, Meg. Logan just kept his seat and stared at the wall.

Finally, someone noticed his state of shock and found a doctor to start check on him. The nursing staff gave him stitches and made him breathe through an oxygen mask; they slathered something on the burns around his ankles, legs, and hand. He didn't really take notice. What he really wanted was for someone to just take pity on him and shoot him to end his misery. But no one ever did.

Some of the deputies and Keith tried to talk to him, but he was more or less unresponsive. Trina turned up and the doctors released Logan into her care. Logan figured that she would probably be named his legal guardian. Another reason to wish for death. She went on and on in the car on the way back about their poor father as he stared out the window; he was as far away from caring about what she said as he could get.

By seven o'clock that night he was wasted beyond any sensibility and sitting on the edge of the Coronado Bridge with his feet dangling over the edge, alone with his alcohol-blurred thoughts.

It's my fault she's dead. I might as well of killed her with my own two hands. He killed her. On purpose. Why? Why would anyone want to hurt Veronica?

His cell phone rang and he answered it before thinking, willing it to somehow be her. Wallace.

What in the Hell is he calling me for?

"Logan, where are you?"

He started to laugh uncontrollably, almost slipping from his perch as he did so. "Hell," came his riposte. And with that, he threw the phone into the water below, intending to follow it.

He could still hear Veronica's teasing voice in his head as if she were right there. "Dress up was always more Lilly's thing, cookies were mine."

But they're both dead. Both killed. Both murdered.

The image of Veronica laying in his bed next to him flooded his mind. Telling him things she'd never told anyone before, listening as he did the same. The feel of her soft skin as he held her close to him. The sound she made in the back of her throat when he kissed her. The look on her face as she slept if she were having a nightmare. But it was his nightmare now and he was living it. Living in a hell that he only knew one way to get out of.

He'd finally moved on after Lilly died. But this was it. He didn't want to move on any more. He didn't want anyone else. Ever. He just wanted to make the pain stop. If he couldn't have her back, then he would jump. Follow his mother into the watery deep. There was no reason not to anymore. Logan stood up and balanced himself on the edge, walking along it like a tightrope walker. A very clumsy and drunken tightrope walker. And he heard a laugh as he began to jump, the sound of Veronica laughing as if to welcome him into oblivion. He began to feel strangely at peace as he fell through the air. But as soon as he hit the water the laughing and peace was replaced by another kind of sound. A voice. Lilly's voice.

"Veronica's waiting for you, Logan". She giggled. "Come and see."

He followed it. Pain, beeping, more pain. A harsh white light over head. What in the Hell … wait, _was_ this Hell? The beeping continued. He blinked his eyes in effort to get used to the light. He could easily tell it was a hospital room and no one was in it but himself. So his attempted at suicide hadn't worked. He wasn't sure how he could have survived it. But he was pretty upset that he had. He didn't want to be alive. He didn't want to live. He had no one.

A man came into the room. Mr. Mars. Maybe he wouldn't have to try to kill himself again. Maybe Keith would do it for him. He hoped. Keith Mars continued into the room until he was right beside Logan. He sat down in a chair beside the bed.

"I want to thank you for saving my daughter, Logan."

Logan's entire body twitched at the words. He was hallucinating. It wasn't possible. Veronica couldn't still be alive. He'd watched her die, seen her body be zipped up into a bag. But then a realization hit him… a memory of pain at the back of his head. His father had hit him back pretty hard. Was it possible that maybe...?

"I don't know what I would do without my little girl. She means everything to me. Do you understand that, Logan?"

Logan stared at the man long and hard. "Yeah, I do."

"Not many people would have gone back into a burning building to get her. Why?" He paused, staring at the boy. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Logan slowly nodded, as if it were a secret. "Is she okay?"

"She's a bit beat up. No worse than you. But they said if she'd have breathed in much more smoke she would have died. She's down the hall resting. Or, well she would be resting if she weren't too busy panicking over you. At least now I can tell her you woke up." Keith's tone darkened. "So I guess you don't know about Aaron."

Logan's expression tightened. "He tried to kill her."

Keith stared at the boy with pity in his eyes and explained it all to him. Logan still didn't love the world when Keith was done talking. But he wasn't ready to die.


	6. Softie

_I'm really, really happy to report that my sister has been getting better after all, for a while there the doctors kept saying that she wouldn't…guess that proves how much they know. So she's finally home again, J J J and believe me, I've never been this relieved in my life, her new heart is finally starting to work! Anyways, she's already gotten bored again and insisted I type for her again, so here is the rest of the chapter! Oh and she said to say thanks for all the nice reviews ya'll sent!_

"Daddy?" Veronica called sleepily. She sat up and removed the oxygen line from her nose. She felt woozy, but other than the ugly burns she noticed on one arm and felt on her back and leg, she was fine.

Keith Mars sat up straighter in his seat next to her hospital bed. "Hi, honey."

His voice brought back the events that had caused the burns, and a sense of panic washed over her. She sat up and frantically asked, "Where's Logan? Is he okay? He got out, didn't he?"

Keith nodded quickly. "He got out of the house after getting you out." The fact that a small smile and a blush crossed her face upon hearing that he had been the one to get her out didn't escape Keith's attention.

"Where's Mr. Echolls? He locked me in Logan's room. I found tapes, Dad; Aaron killed Lilly." She knew she wasn't making any sense, but there was so much that had happened and all of it was too important to wait.

"I know. Wallace showed them to me. Aaron has been arrested. You don't need to worry about that."

"But Logan's okay?" Veronica asked, the panic ebbing away.

"He'll be fine. And they say I can take you home in the morning. You were both very lucky."

Veronica smiled and relaxed visibly. Keith tensed up. He hadn't missed the look that had crossed his daughter's face in the moment that Veronica didn't know if Logan was alive or dead. It was the look he used to get around Lianne so many years ago, before all their problems began. That look said more about what his only little girl felt than he was ready to know. He was going to have to get used to Logan whether he liked the boy or not. He patted her hand as he watched her drift back to sleep, still utterly exhausted. His daughter was in love.

Both Logan and Veronica were discharged the next morning. Since Logan didn't exactly have a standing home to go to and he did save his only daughter's life, Keith decided to bring him home with them for a couple days until Logan could find his own place or until his sister came to claim him.

Veronica was already in the car waiting for Keith when Logan slid into the back seat. He scooted in farther and she turned around with to fix him with a strange expression. He wanted to say something, hug her, something, but before he had a chance to do anything at all she slapped him soundly across the face.

He covered the place she had hit with his hand; she'd packed a powerful wallop.

"You are so stupid! Why did you do that? You could've been killed."

"What? Veronica, you almost got yourself burned to death and you're attacking me for going in after you?"

"Yes! How'd you even find me?"

"It wasn't hard, I know you. Besides, you wouldn't have been inside in the first place if you hadn't gone in trying to help me out!" He took her face into his hands and his tone lowered. "You're such a softie, Veronica. Couldn't leave me, could you?"

She leaned forward quickly and pecked him on his lips before he responded by kissing her soundly. They sprang apart when Mr. Mars cleared his throat loudly from outside of the car as he opened his door to sit down in the driver's seat.

"I hope I won't be seeing that again while you're staying with us Logan, I know I owe you, but seeing that just makes me want to get my gun out on you."

Both kids blushed.

"Wouldn't think of it, sir," Logan answered soberly, all the while trying not to grin.

Later that day Veronica took him to get his God awful Xterra, which he greeted by hugging. Literally. Veronica just shook her head at him, wondering just how crazy the man that she was dating was. He had appointments with the many lawyers that he knew to get information from. She went home to talk to her dad about what she knew she needed to, no matter how much she dreaded it.

But when she explained herslef to him, he only gave a face-splitting smile and walked over to pull a large envelope out of a drawer, handing to her. She opened it to see that it was a paternity test. A paternity test that said that there was a ninety nine percent chance that Keith was her father. She looked up at him, relieved beyond any words before running up to him and hugging him close. She silently thanked God for letting Keith be her father. She couldn't have asked for a better one, especially if the other one had turned out to be Jake Kane.

Knowing how awkward it would be for him to stay with Mr. Mars and Veronica in their apartment, Logan drove to the Neptune Grand to check in for an indefinite stay after he left the lawyers. It would be better this way and besides, a suite at the Grand would give him somewhere private to take Veronica when they wanted alone time. His mind wandered to the gutter for a while before returning only to answer his phone that was ringing annoyingly.

Veronica. _Well at least it's someone I want to talk to._

Since he'd woken in the hospital the day before, he'd been steadily ignoring a ridiculous amount of calls from Trina. He knew she was just calling about their father. He had no interest in helping Aaron at all, as he suspected she did. In fact, any chance for him to help the prosecution, he'd take in a second.

_That was the man that beat me my whole life, who slept with and killed Lilly, who tried to kill Veronica._

Logan sincerely hoped that he'd spend the rest of his life rotting in a jail cell and then burned in hell.

He still hadn't gotten over all the things Keith had explained to him that his father had done.

He answered the phone and walked to his bright yellow Xterra to go pick up the girl he was in love with. Parts of his life really, really sucked…but he was a happy man despite it all anyways. The one thing he really needed, the one that he never wanted to imagine going without again, he had.

Logan sat on the couch in his hotel room with Veronica perched on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck hugging him close. He wrapped his strong arms tightly around her back and waist, pulling her as close as he could.

"I don't know what I'd do-" Veronica whispered lightly in his ear, her breath tickling his skin.

He let out a deep breath he'd been unaware he was holding. "You have no idea." She pulled away enough to see his face as he tucked her hair behind an ear. He just gazed at her, wondering what it was exactly that was making the giant knot in the back of his throat.

"I love you," Logan choked out, managing to keep direct eye contact despite being terrified of what she would say.

Her eyes grew wide and her face paled as she just stared at him in silence for what seemed like forever.

Finally, she hugged him again and laid her head against his shoulder comfortably, letting him hold her on his lap. After a while he wondered whether she was falling asleep, but she corrected him by burying her head into his shoulder and putting a hand to his chest over his tee shirt.

"I love you, too," Veronica just barely whispered as if she were almost too afraid to say it at all.

Logan smiled to himself and rocked her back and forth, holding her to him.

"There are so many things I need to tell you," Veronica whispered, knowing that for the moment none of it mattered.

"It's okay." He wondered if she was talking about Duncan and whether she'd found out yet or not. But it didn't matter, for the moment he was completely content and knew she was too.

The End.


End file.
